Restoring the Heart of Marriage: Embracing God's Design for Lasting Love

In Mark 10:1-12, On a trip from Capernaum to Judea, Jesus is confronted by a group of religious leaders who ask him about the legality of divorce. They were trying to trap Jesus into agreeing with one side or the other of an issue that was controversial even then, either alienating the conservative party or the liberal party of the Religious Court. They wanted to trap him politically so he might possibly meet the same fate as John the Baptist--who criticized Herod's divorce and remarriage.

Hardness of Heart

Jesus skillfully identifies the reason Moses permitted divorce in the law—hardness of heart. This condition often undermines the trust, love, and respect essential for a healthy marriage. Hardness of heart leads to emotional disconnection, resentment, bitterness, shutting down, giving the silent treatment, self-justification, and spiritual drift. We must reflect on our own relationships and marriages, examining if there are grievances or unforgiveness in our hearts. Ask yourself: Are you holding onto bitterness towards your spouse? Take proactive steps to soften your heart through prayer, counseling, or open communication. God desires our hearts to be tender and loving, reflecting His love for us. As a result, we should practice kindness, address conflicts proactively, and take responsibility for our actions. Husbands, especially, lead in this effort. Let’s strive to overcome hardness and embrace healing in our marriages.

Misunderstanding of Marriage

The religious leaders’ focus on the legality of divorce reflects a fundamental misunderstanding of marriage. Their emphasis reveals a failure to uphold the sanctity and permanence of marriage as God intended. According to the apostle Paul in Ephesians 5:32, marriage is meant to reflect the relationship between Jesus and the Church. Marriage is intended to preach the Gospel—God’s lifelong divine covenant with us. The grace in marriage is that two sinners to work out saving grace, offering love and acceptance despite each other’s faults—despite how you've hurt each other. Marriage becomes a workshop for repentance and faith.

Adultery and Infidelity

Jesus’ teaching underscores the high ideal of marriage that is reflected in our marriage vows: "Will you have this person to be your husband or wife, to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love them, comfort them, honor and keep them, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to them as long as you both shall live?"

This is a comprehensive promise, and when you make it, you give yourself to someone making the same promise. In a sense, we all fail to keep it. But when we do, we have to turn, fall on our faces, repent, and renew our vows—even every day.

And that's why, Jesus says, when the marriage vow is broken so egregiously by adultery or being unfaithful, divorce is given as a protection for the betrayed spouse. The Apostle Paul extends these protections to situations involving abandonment or abuse (1 Cor 7:12-15). If marriage is about the gospel, then such deep violations of the marriage covenant are a betrayal of God.

Turn to Jesus

Despite the challenges and failures that may arise, Jesus' teaching offers hope for healing and renewal in marriage. Embrace the grace of repentance and strive to restore and nurture your relationship. By actively working to soften your heart and uphold the sanctity of marriage, you reflect God's enduring love and commitment.

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Photo by Alex Green from Pexels.

Recommended Reading:

Tim Keller and Kathy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God